


Please Forget Me

by TheDeviantSentByJericho



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But on the other hand, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Morally Neutral Deceit | Janus Sanders, Orange Side - Freeform, Original Character(s), Original Orange Side, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, had to help out, just sayin, remembering things that should probably not have been, yeah this isn't happy, you can't handle your pain if you don't know it's there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27110716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeviantSentByJericho/pseuds/TheDeviantSentByJericho
Summary: Somethings are better left undiscovered.________________________________________Thomas wants to know who he is. Patton wants to help. Virgil wants to keep everyone safe, but that isn't always possible.In which Thomas experienced some Trauma as a child and locked it away, and then it is discovered again.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. do i know better than this?

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to hell, may i take your order?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter is Black Sea by Natasha Blume :)

"Okay, so now we know about you two, are there any more parts of self you've been hiding from me?"

"Oh, none at all~"

"Deceit!"

"What did you expect from me, Thomas? If you really want to know, I'd turn to your... dear little stormcloud over there."

"Virgil?"

Virgil groaned and leaned against the bannister. "Look, if you were supposed to know, you would, okay? You aren't ready for that yet!"

Roman chimed in this time. "Oh, you would say that! If that's the case, when will he be ready? What about us? I had no idea! When were you planning on telling us?"

Dark stains seemed to spread even further down Virgil's cheeks. "Never! Never, okay? You don't need to know! It wouldn't help you! It would only hurt you. All of you."

"What is it then, Virgil? Hatred? Sadism? What could possibly be so bad!?"

"I-" Virgil took a deep breath. "He could. But not... not that way."

Thomas stepped forwards, a hand reaching out, imploringly. "I promise Virgil, I can handle it. As long as we have each other, we can get through anything. And I need to know what's happening inside of me. I have to. You understand, right?"

"Thomas deserves to know, Virgil!"

From across the room, Patton chewed nervously on his fingers, staring at Logan, who was watching the scene with an unreadable expression. Janus was staring at the argument with an expression of fascinated glee, but Virgil looked on the verge of an outburst. 

"If you're not supposed to know, Thomas, you're not supposed to know." said Logan, his quiet voice stilling the room. "Trust Anxiety on this one. He is trying to protect you."

Roman whirled on him. "Did you know too?"

Logan shook his head. "No. Not for sure. But I do have a fair hypothesis, and it would agree with Virgil's assessment."

"Oh, would it now?"

"Guys, stop!" Patton introjected. He couldn't stand by and watch his family fight, he just couldn't! "Can't we just... hear him out?"

There was a lot of indistinguishable muttering, but the room quieted again. "Well... Virgil, can you explain what's going on? Can you?"

"...Deceit isn't stopping me, if that's what you mean. We're working together, alright? If you discover him, what he represents- it'll hurt you. And I can't let that happen."

There was silence.

"But I couldn't!" popped up Janus. "I could take you right there, and there would be so much Virgil could do about it~."

"Janus, don't." warned Virgil. "I wouldn't dream of it." Janus smiled. And then he looked at Thomas. 

"So what will it be, Thomas? Will you listen to your Anxiety, or go ahead and learn something he would have kept from you for as long as he possibly could?"

"Listen to me, Thomas don't do it!"

"Thomas, why are you hesitating? You have to seize the chance!"

"Thomas, this is not a good idea."

"I... I... I guess the vote is in. Unless you have some input, Patton?"

Patton shuffled in place. "Well, I... I don't know. But... Virgil."

"Yes?"

"Virgil, kiddo... Is this hidden part... in pain? Is he... suffering?"

"...That isn't relevant."

"Yes, it is, kiddo. If he's in pain, and we can help, then... Then how could we not?"

Virgil huffed, spinning around and kicking the floor. "Fine! Don't listen to me! Yes, he's in pain, yeah, you can probably help! But not enough to make it worth exposing Thomas to!"

"Kiddo-"

"Whatever." 

And then he sunk out.

...

Janus clapped his hands. "Well, that was far from exciting! Shall we go?"

"Hold up, we never said we'd go! Why are you so interested in letting us meet him now? How come none of us knew? Would it be dangerous to go?"

"Tsk tsk, so many questions. I'm totally not getting bored here. Are you coming or not?"

"...Do we have a choice?"

"Of course!" 

They followed him.


	2. you're a word that i can't forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posting earlier than planned, please enjoy + leave a comment if you have a second :)
> 
> Song for this chapter is Medusa by Kailee Morgue

Janus shooed the four to a room none of them had ever seen before, a room with a heavy metal door, blocked by a wooden door bar and several layers of locks. Whatever- whoever was inside, was very thoroughly blocked off from the rest of Thomas' mind. 

"Well, that doesn't look intimidating at all."

":)))))"

"How do you say an emoticon?"

";)))))"

"Of course you'd respond like that. Now, how do we get in?"

"Oh, that's easy. If you want to use this door, you'll need a key. Which can be easily obtained by-" 

"Don't." 

A hooded figure had his head down, standing in the corridor behind them. "Just... don't. I'll... I'll take care of it. You can use my door. Or Patton's, I guess." Virgil said, still not looking at any of the other Sides.

"Mine?" Patton squeaked. "Yes, yours. Not that you knew it was there, I'm sure. We've done a fairly good job of keeping him hidden away, if I do say so myself."

"...Virgil, kiddo, who is this side?"

"...You'll see."

The sides made their way to Virgil's room in uneasy silence. After a few discomfited shrieks at Virgil's decor choices, they found themselves gathered in front of a dark wooden door held closed with chains and bearing a spiked doornob. 

Janus was the first to speak. "Your turn, Verge!" 

And then he was gone.

Sighing, Virgil turned to the others. "Are you sure you want this?"

Everyone looked at Thomas, who, after a moment, nodded. "Yes."

"Hmph," said Virgil, and then he turned back to the door, raising his hand over the pointed doorknob.

"Wait!" Patton called. "Won't that hurt you?" 

Anxiety only stared. "Did you really think we could do this without a little blood and tears?"

"Well, I..."

Logan placed a hand on Patton's shoulder, but his eyes were affixed to Virgil. "There is always a price. This is nothing, isn't it?" 

Silently, Virgil nodded, and with nary a squeak of pain, turned the handle.

Screams filled the air. Sobs were so loud it was a wonder the crier had the air to make them. Whimpers resonated through their minds. Beeping of hospital machines, shouts filled with anger and fear, threats laced with hatred and filled with slurs. Punches flying, no defense, friends dying, hatred, fear, loss, pain pain pain pain.

And then it was over.

The sides stood in a room both too large and too small, with flat grey features and no adornments of any kind, save bars in windows blocked by cement and dried patches of blood. At the far end, a figure huddled, features obscured in its- his, white robes and pale hands. He made no indication of being aware of their entry, save for letting out a whimper and curling up tighter into the corner.

Virgil turned to them, his expression grave. "Here you go. Exactly what you wanted.

"Everyone, meet Trauma."


	3. though the thought rattles my brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get better before they get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended listening - michael schulte, heard you crying.

The figure huddled in the floor, hiding from their gazes as if that would make them go away, did not seem very intimidating. He didn't seem very dangerous, like someone who had to be kept contained, locked behind that huge metal door.

He just seemed... Pitiful. Broken. Scared. A lost child, left alone in the dark.

Trauma whimpered. "please...please don't hurt me! im sorry i promise i'll be better im sorry please don't hurt me im sorry," his voice was faint, but there was nothing to cover it up.

Patton started towards the huddled figure, his fatherly instincts fully awake, but then an arm reached out and halted him in his path.

"I'm sorry... dad. But that's not a good idea," said Virgil, even softer than usual.

"Well, why not?? He needs help!"

"Yeah. He does. But you'll only scare him if you get too close. Especially if you try and touch him."

"But I-"

"Virgil is correct, Patton. This... Trauma, is incredibly frightened right now, and at this moment we do not know why. Approaching a traumatized individual without knowing their boundaries and triggers, especially when they are hardly in a state to tell us, would do more harm than good, despite best intentions." Logan said, stepping forwards and sliding his glasses up his nose. "Unless you do know, Virgil?"

Virgil huffed. "Well, can't say I know everything. Even on good days, he's hardly talkative. Which is fine, I'm not either. But from what he has said and reacted to, I can guess at a few things. Not that I can say here."

Trauma let out a soft, pained noise. But at this point, it was becoming clear that those were perhaps the only noises he could make.

"We should introduce ourselves to him and find someplace better for him to stay!" Said Roman, finding a place for himself in the conversation. "This place is so gloomy and flat!"

"Perhaps he likes it this way." Noted Logan.

"No, actually, I think Roman may have a point." Virgil mused. "He's been here for... A long time. He's had to be. Things were falling apart. And while things mostly stopped declining... Nothing's ever gotten better, either. This is a panic room of sorts, hardly a place to live."

"It would make sense," Logan agreed. "Isolation is hardly a healthy coping mechanism, and I find it difficult to believe even having you and Janus in this... Room, would be helpful to him."

Roman moved to clap his hands, but remembered the crumpled shape leaning against the wall, hands over his eyes, and managed to stop himself in time. "In that case, may I propose Patton's room? I know that he's been with you, Virgil, a lot, but your room might be a bit..." "Scary? Overwhelming? Dark?" "Creepy, for him, though all of those work too I suppose."

"M-my room? Well, I'm sure I can pull up an extra bed somewhere, if that's what's needed. And I have lots of things with happy memories in them too!"

Virgil tapped his foot a little. "We may be jumping the g- gateposts a little fast here, guys. How about you talk to him first, before you decide his future? And Thomas' as well."

"Oh, yeah... Thomas, how are you holding up, kiddo?"

Thomas sighed from behind them. "This... This is a lot to take in."

"Do you think leaving this situation would be the best option for you?"

"I... No. I need to stay. I want, to stay. We're doing this."

"Alright then. Patton, would you like to approach first? If Virgil is alright with that, that is."

"Yeah, go ahead if you want. Just be careful what you say. And don't touch without permission."

"Well- I- this is a bit of a struggle, kiddos, I don't want to hurt him any more..."

"It's okay, you don't have to."

"No, no, I- I'm Morality, after all. I have to help!"

The others nodded, and Patton slowly, carefully, crouched down next to the human ball that was Trauma, talking softly all the while.

"Hey kiddo, I'm Patton, the Heart. I'm here to help you, okay? I'm not going to hurt you at all kiddo."

Trauma curled away, hands covering his ears. "d-don't come close to me! i-i'll hurt you!"

Patton looked shocked. "Hey there kiddo, no need for threats-"

Virgil interjected quietly. "It wasn't a threat. It was a warning. He had to be locked away for hurting you, of course he's worried he'll do it again."

"O-oh." Patton swallowed. "Well, I'm sorry kiddo. It's okay. You're not going to hurt us, and even if you do, it's quite all right, we know you didn't mean it."

Trauma let out yet another whimper, but one even deeper and sadder than ones before; more like a keening cry than anything else. He clamped his hands over his mouth. "i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't mean to please don't hurt me-"

"We're not going to hurt you, kiddo. Promise. There's nothing wrong with you. We're so, so sorry we left you for so long, but we're here now, and we want to make things right. You deserve to be happy, kiddo."

The keening sound happened again, but louder and even more heartfelt. Trauma's feet tapped again and again and again, despite his efforts to stop them.

"im sorry im sorry im sorry i know im loud you don't need to punish me i know im wrong im wrong im wrong!"

"Hey, it's okay. You have nothing to apologize for. You're not wrong, no living being can be wrong. You're hurting a bit- well, a lot- but it's okay! You'll heal! You'll be okay, eventually. More or less."

"B-b-but-" he sniffled, and immediately covered his face again. "no no nonono im sorry-"

"Hey. Kiddo. Look at me."

He did, and his eyes were solid black, his tears like oil bubbling in the corners. Trauma noticed Patton looking, and brought a hand to his face. When it reached the wetness, the already pale Side grew even whiter. "im sorry!!! im sorry i didn't mean to!"

"What are you sorry for, kiddo?"

"for- for crying. i know crying's bad im sorry im too weak i-" Trauma's fingers moved, scratching at his previously covered forearms desperately, maybe even subconsciously. "you can punish me im sorry i know i deserve it im just scared..."

Patton wanted to intervene, but he couldn't. He daren't. He didn't want to hurt the young-seeming side any more than he already was, and he clearly remembered Virgil's No-Touch rule.

"Kiddo, we're not going to punish you. We're not going to hurt you. In fact... We're going to take you somewhere else, somewhere safe. Is that okay?"

"but here is the only safe space! you'll only be safe from me if i stay here and you forget about me. all of you! patton, logan, roman, thomas, remus, even virgil and remus and janus, you're only safe from me if i stay! if i'm gone."

Logan frowned. No one noticed.

"Kiddo, it's not about protecting us from you, it's about protecting you from... From what hurt you."

"b-but why? i deserve it..."

"No, you don't, and you never have." All of the Sides spoke at once. "C'mon kiddo. Let's take you somewhere more like home."

Trauma's dark eyes were pleading as he tentatively, carefully, bravely reached out, and placed his hand in Patton's outstretched one.

**Author's Note:**

> All chapter titles (written so far) come from Dancing After Death by Matt Maeson.


End file.
